Don't panic...ADJUST!

I saw the most fabulous bumper sticker today....

DON'T PANIC-ADJUST

This is perfect for me and I am thinking of sticking up little index cards around my house with this in bright colors throughout my house (though my husband might object to the new decor)....

It exemplifies what I don't do well.  Well, not true -it exemplifies what I don't do well with my emotions...

I rock a crisis.  I am the most amazing project manager -I take a project, break it down, allow for variances and planning, keep communication channels open so everyone is on the same page...  And when something goes wrong -I resolve it quickly and cleanly.  Picture "The Cleaner" from PULP FICTION.  Never ruffled, adapt, adapt, adapt...

But bring me a little ripple in my emotional pond at home and I cannot renegotiate my path.  I get mired in the "what does that mean" and "why did he say that".   And I get fearful and regretful and repeat in my head the action/conversation/transaction trying to figure out where it went bad and how do I avoid it going bad the next time.   

Last night my husband and I introduced our school aged children to the joke of "Pete and repeat were sitting on a fence.  Pete fell off, who was left?"  The kids kept responding (appropriately of course!) "Repeat".  So we would.  My oldest, who is almost 10, said finally when I asked again, "the other one".  She's a smart cookie...

Yeah, my brain works like first part -stuck on "repeat"... Only worse.  I never reach the improvement - "the other one" part where I stop the negative self talk and move past the recriminations and over analyzing.  I never seem to learn my lesson.

Why is it that we can tell others all of the wonderful and glorious things about them - the things that make us as humans unique and beautiful and spectacular and God's most amazing creation.  But we cannot or will not see it in ourselves? 

I'm a Girl Scout leader with a group of amazing girls...  I watch them and am eager to help them reach adulthood as strong, courageous, independent and self sufficient women.  I know they can do it without me but I am excited about maybe being a kid for a little while with them and going back to the simpler time, before I got such a negative image of myself, and trying a little mulligan (a golf term -it means a do-over)... a do over on improving my self esteem.  Having two daughters, I am very aware of not saying the negativity to them - they get enough of that from other kids on the playground - and trying to show them their inner strength.  I want to  have some of that of my own.  Meh, a little fountain of youth maybe?

I wonder if everyone concentrated on being young again and trying to go back and reprogram that part of ourselves that got distorted and distended...  Would it be a better, simpler place? 

In the meantime...  I need to find some markers...and a couple of index cards...  I've got some redecorating to do!