Tonight my family and I went to a local kids pizza restaurant for dinner. We had a great seat, in front of a bank of windows, sunlight streaming in... Really nice... I got up to get a drink refill and passed a man and woman bickering in the lobby. Woman was nagging at the man about not being at her house when he was supposed to be. Man was telling her to get out of his face in a not very pleasant manner. A few minutes later, the woman and the man left the restaurant. The bickering continued into the parking lot, right outside our beautiful sun-dappled table and my three young children. Seconds later, the man began beating the woman about the head and shoulders. I was absolutely floored! I told my husband and just as we were going to call 911, two other men in the parking lot called 911 and interceded in the fight.
The fight ended up out of sight of the restaurant, and I got to explain to my children why hitting a woman, hitting ANYONE, is against the law. No, it's not just morally wrong but LEGALLY wrong. Later the woman was standing alone in the parking lot, outside our window again. I wondered if she was waiting for her attacker or someone else because she did not seem at all phased or altered by what she had gone through. I got the feeling it wasn't the first time -nor would it be the last.
I did find an upside to the whole event -two of them actually.... I am from California where rioters beat a man they dragged from a semi truck because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am so grateful to be living in a community where people get involved and recognize that it is empowering to help each other. Secondly, I am grateful that I have children who were appalled and willing to discuss it with their parents and to share their opinions and their fears.
And I am hoping they apply those lessons they learned when they see bullies of any age taking advantage of someone else.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I'm going to try Random Thoughts Thursday....
My friend Allison does a great job posting her Random Thoughts Thursday, so I am going to give it a try... I may never have anyone read my blog again (I often sanitize my brain dumps, believe it or not!) but here goes nothing... I mean, after all, I am nothing if not Random, right?
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Why is it my kids can't get along when they are doing stuff I need them to do but when they are doing stuff I would rather they NOT do, they get along famously? And if they are getting along, it must be at the highest possible volume, guaranteed to split ear drums.
For someone who does not have a paying job, I have a lot of work on my plate.
Why is every reference I know related to food? Slower than molasses... work on my plate... And since we are talking about food, how come whenever I gain weight or stay the same, more people compliment me on how much weight I have lost?
I am convinced laundry leaves the main level of my house for the basement and mates... and they send my socks to boarding school... We have way to much laundry for a house with three kids who wear uniforms and pajamas all school year and swimsuits all summer.
The grass is always greener in someone else's yard. No, literally. I refuse to water my grass in Oregon. It rains 9 months out of the year here -the grass always comes back nice and green by November, so why bother?
Sometimes, I wander my house when everyone is asleep. I used to think it was because I couldn't sleep but now I think its because it's the only time the house is quiet. Well, it used to be until we got that second cat...
I am 7 years from 50. This was not nearly as alarming as I thought it was.... until my kids said, "you are really old mom!" I think I have been in denial.... And suddenly I feel like I am aging rapidly... It's the kids... I turn 50 the same year my 10 year old graduates from high school and my 8 year old gets her learners permit. I am sure this is no accident on God's part.
Most of the people who are my closest friends now I met because of a medical condition or through a website.
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Ok, that's enough for now! I have a whole bunch of blog ideas I am working on so I will get back to those for now... Happy Thursday! And let me know if I should keep doing the randomness. Oh -and go check out Allison's blog too by clicking the link above.... Have a great Thursday!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Today's not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking so good either...
When it rains, it pours might have also been an apt title, especially given that I live in Oregon with one of the worst wet winters on record. Oh that's right, its not officially winter anymore.
I am one of three kids. Both of my parents are dead - one a while back (almost 16 years ago -a whole other lifetime ago) and one more recent. My childhood, like many, was not an easy one. Some of the trials and tribulations were normal growing up things (bullies, boys and bad self image) others not so normal for the time (believe it or not divorce, sexual abuse, alcoholism).
I have always looked at my life as a sum of all its parts. I don't look at my life with regrets, if I can help it, as I would not be where I am now if those things had not happened. I can NOT like what happened, not like what the outcome of something was (like gaining hundreds of pounds too much) but regreting the past means regreting who I am -and I don't. Nowadays, I think I am a pretty decent person. I volunteer, I am community oriented, I don't drink, don't do drugs or carouse all night. I am a faithful wife, love my children and have a great group of friends who at any given moment can be relied upon to fill in as part of whatever part of my life is lacking something at that moment (friend, sister, parent, grandparent, confidant, asskicker, whatever)...
When I was growing up, I did not have a lot of friends. I had a lot of people I knew, but probably the best friend I had was my brother, who is younger than me. He's about four and a half years younger chronologically, but while we were the spitting image of each other -we are polar opposites in personality. My sister on the other hand is about four and a half years older and was everything I was not. Platinum blonde, tall, thin and could not care less what people thought of her. I so wanted to be her and I so wanted her to like me.
As I have grown up in both age and wisdom, there are a lot of life changes. My brother and I have nothing in common and very little contact. There is no sign of the companionship that was bred of a life led in each other's shadow both genetically, resembling a man long gone and by the geography of growing up in each others pockets. I am no longer his caretaker or his confidante in any capacity. I've met his wife, though she was not his wife then and he has children I have never seen - but he has not seen mine either, or met my husband of over 12 years. The rift was there before the marriages and the children came along. My sister and I are so much closer than she and I were growing up and she often weighs in on what my oldest daughter is thinking when engaging in sibling terrorizing and she ends every conversation with how much she loves me, not waiting for me to say it first. She survived a very difficult firestorm to come out the other side a person at peace with who she is and others faults -and lets them own their own issues. She was at my wedding, loves my husband and my children and has become a pretty amazing adults.
How is it that our lives perform such intricate twists and turns? How is that the one everyone thought was confident and secure as a child ends up the one hellbent on self destruction? How is it that the one who never seemed to notice anyone else has become the student of acceptance? When is enough distance enough and when do you ignore the gap for the greater good?
I find myself a skeptic, where I used to be optimistic and faithful. Not with everyone mind you, but with the ones who seem so intent on misdirecting what is going on. I don't like game playing in my interpersonal relationships and I withdraw both physically and emotionally when I feel like that is what is happening -part of why my brother and I are no longer close. I often feel like my life reflects the Wizard of Oz. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." The GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ! But I do pay attention - I hear the tinkering and see the curtain moving. When I was at my lowest, I found comfort in religion, finding a grounding and home where I could allow myself to heal and choose my way. But the voices and characters from the past cannot always be ignored and sometimes they are asking us to remember when it was different and to accept the lessons and let go.
My question is -how do you know when you are supposed to stay away from the edge - and how are you supposed to know when you are supposed to jump? My sister called to let me know that choices are due and time may be running out. Time to start evaluating past choices and make new ones...
One of my favorite quotes from Bull Durham, "Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." Seems appropriate today....
I am one of three kids. Both of my parents are dead - one a while back (almost 16 years ago -a whole other lifetime ago) and one more recent. My childhood, like many, was not an easy one. Some of the trials and tribulations were normal growing up things (bullies, boys and bad self image) others not so normal for the time (believe it or not divorce, sexual abuse, alcoholism).
I have always looked at my life as a sum of all its parts. I don't look at my life with regrets, if I can help it, as I would not be where I am now if those things had not happened. I can NOT like what happened, not like what the outcome of something was (like gaining hundreds of pounds too much) but regreting the past means regreting who I am -and I don't. Nowadays, I think I am a pretty decent person. I volunteer, I am community oriented, I don't drink, don't do drugs or carouse all night. I am a faithful wife, love my children and have a great group of friends who at any given moment can be relied upon to fill in as part of whatever part of my life is lacking something at that moment (friend, sister, parent, grandparent, confidant, asskicker, whatever)...
When I was growing up, I did not have a lot of friends. I had a lot of people I knew, but probably the best friend I had was my brother, who is younger than me. He's about four and a half years younger chronologically, but while we were the spitting image of each other -we are polar opposites in personality. My sister on the other hand is about four and a half years older and was everything I was not. Platinum blonde, tall, thin and could not care less what people thought of her. I so wanted to be her and I so wanted her to like me.
As I have grown up in both age and wisdom, there are a lot of life changes. My brother and I have nothing in common and very little contact. There is no sign of the companionship that was bred of a life led in each other's shadow both genetically, resembling a man long gone and by the geography of growing up in each others pockets. I am no longer his caretaker or his confidante in any capacity. I've met his wife, though she was not his wife then and he has children I have never seen - but he has not seen mine either, or met my husband of over 12 years. The rift was there before the marriages and the children came along. My sister and I are so much closer than she and I were growing up and she often weighs in on what my oldest daughter is thinking when engaging in sibling terrorizing and she ends every conversation with how much she loves me, not waiting for me to say it first. She survived a very difficult firestorm to come out the other side a person at peace with who she is and others faults -and lets them own their own issues. She was at my wedding, loves my husband and my children and has become a pretty amazing adults.
How is it that our lives perform such intricate twists and turns? How is that the one everyone thought was confident and secure as a child ends up the one hellbent on self destruction? How is it that the one who never seemed to notice anyone else has become the student of acceptance? When is enough distance enough and when do you ignore the gap for the greater good?
I find myself a skeptic, where I used to be optimistic and faithful. Not with everyone mind you, but with the ones who seem so intent on misdirecting what is going on. I don't like game playing in my interpersonal relationships and I withdraw both physically and emotionally when I feel like that is what is happening -part of why my brother and I are no longer close. I often feel like my life reflects the Wizard of Oz. "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain." The GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ! But I do pay attention - I hear the tinkering and see the curtain moving. When I was at my lowest, I found comfort in religion, finding a grounding and home where I could allow myself to heal and choose my way. But the voices and characters from the past cannot always be ignored and sometimes they are asking us to remember when it was different and to accept the lessons and let go.
My question is -how do you know when you are supposed to stay away from the edge - and how are you supposed to know when you are supposed to jump? My sister called to let me know that choices are due and time may be running out. Time to start evaluating past choices and make new ones...
One of my favorite quotes from Bull Durham, "Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains." Seems appropriate today....
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