By the way...they are real and they are SPECTACULAR!

OK, so they are real, and maybe they are not spectacular but they are mine....

Get your mind out of the gutter.  Yes, that was a veiled reference to Seinfeld...

I am talking about my fears...  I have had this mental block about getting back into my exercise routing.  I used to be so committed to it... and then I got sick and out of the habit and then there was this huge wall around me getting back on the treadmill.  I would think about it and go to bed with every intention of getting back in the swing of it the next morning.... then morning chaos would ensue and I would once again push my needs to the wayside and avoid working out.

I would spend hours, days even agonizing over why I did this self sabotage.  I would analyze and speculate and dig through my psyche bemoaning this failure I was committing.  It never occurred to me that I was perpetuating it by thinking about it.  Sadly, I don't consider myself a great thinker...  So why would I even consider I was overthinking things, and perpetuating my work out avoidance?  I kept telling myself I was "trying" and for some reason I just could not seem to do it and I was frustrated.

I wasn't trying though.  I was continuing to NOT do something.  And I was trying to figure out WHY I could not do it.  Um, DUH!?  Because I was not getting up, I was not getting on the treadmill.  I was NOT, so I COULD NOT.  As it was so eloquently put, I did not need to THINK about this, I needed to DO this.  See, that's why they get paid by the hour....

This morning, for the first time in months, I got on the treadmill.  It was awkward and weird and wonderful.  I did two miles in 38 minutes -at a 3 incline.  My body remembers how good it used to feel and I found myself not so sluggish.  How did this miracle occur?

I told someone to hold me responsible.  I asked my husband to wake me up.  The irony is he usually does anyway with the noise he makes but I usually try and tune it out to go back to sleep.  But today, he simply said, "Honey, you wanted me to wake you up to work out."  I got up, dressed and on the treadmill.

Seems so easy now....

Hope it feels that way in the morning.  And hope all of my self resistance can be undone that easily.

In my mind, that's why it takes a village -sometimes, that first step is so difficult to do alone.